Reality Check....

Well, so much for me maintaining bloggy silence today eh?
But I just read this post by Dan Olmsted. And I just HAVE to get a few things out - To-Do-List be damned.

Is Mr. Olmsted's post very gloomy? Yes
Do I hope and pray that none of things he lists will come to pass? Yes
But could all that he lists come to pass? Yes

I have endless admiration for the warrior moms and dads out there that are 'Hill stormers', 'sh1t raisers', 'representative harassers', 'outspoken advocates', etc. etc. etc. What they do and how they do it is oh, so necessary.

And I so cannot be one of them.

I get all the Action Alert emails, some days there are four or five of them. And I want to take the actions asked for. And when it involves letter or email writing, I do.

But anything else? The 'make calls', the 'visit your rep', the 'prepare briefing packages', the 'organize grassroots action teams in your home'? I just can't.

And I do carry a lot of guilt over that.

And I have endless admiration for those (several of them are dear friends) who can, and do, and will. On top of everything else they have going on.

For me, what Mr. Olmsted describes feeds directly into my 'I can't spend half or more of my days on letter writing, calling campaigns, visiting my reps, preparing briefing packages, attend grassroots meetings.' issues. What IF all that amazing 'hell raising' activist work that's being done is not making one iota of a difference (pessimistic view? Perhaps.. Realistic view? I think so)???

I have made a deliberate choice to spend my time where -I- think I can make the most difference - on getting MY kids well, on getting MY kids to a point that they can lead happy, productive, independent lives. And I know that all those amazing activists out there work on exactly that too. But me, I cannot commit to AND getting MY kids well AND raise holy hell. I will end up doing both things half-assed.

And I can, no I WILL NOT, do a half-assed job for my kids (and again, I know several amazing activists out there who appear to be able to do both extremely well).

And I being selfish? Possible
Am I being a 'coward'? Possible.
Do I like the right 'warrior spirit'? Possible
Do I just don't care about all the kids that are suffering, about the 'new' kids that are getting diagnosed every single day? So UNTRUE.

Let's just say that I know my limits.

What I can do, what I WILL do, is to continue to share my boys' stories; of what happened to them, how I figured things out, and what it took and is taking to get them better, where they were and where they are now.

I will share here on the blog, and in conversation anywhere I go.

And over the years, I have noticed that more folks are starting to pay attention. They may not believe it all, they may not be ready to commit, but listening and paying attention they are. And some make small changes, some make big changes, some do more research, some pass my stories on to others.

And I guess that's the brand of activism I'm comfortable with, that I do best.

As at the end of the day, when it's my time to move on, I want to be able to look at my boys and their families (however they chose to build their own families) and say "I played a part in that."

So to all of you amazing, incredible, powerful, dedicated 'hell raiser' activists out there - keep doing what you're doing for as long as you are able to. And forgive me for only doing something with maybe every 6th or 7th 'action alert' that comes my way.

And if you deem me selfish, not a 'warrior mother', not 'commited to The Cause enough', or a 'coward' for that, so be it.