So...

I've been wrestling for a few days now with a sticky (paying) work challenge. I will eventually see my way out and come up with a solution that works for all parties involved, but this morning I ended up hopelessly stuck. The pieces of information I have don't make sense.. something is missing.. but I can't seem to get to that missing bit.

What is not helping matters is that one of the key players is taking my questions, my seeking for information. very personal (while, as always, I have been careful in setting a 'neutral, I'm just trying to get the full picture' stage), and has become very pigheaded and stubborn. And while most of the time I can maintain the professional facade and work around this kind of stuff, this person is somehow pushing my buttons and bringing out every last drop of pigheadedness and stubbornness I posses (and trust me, I have LOTS. I've just learned to keep a lid on it in my work life).

Stalemate.

A rather rude email came in earlier this morning, and I was about to reply in kind. Thank goodness, what little bit of rational thought I still had left kicked in and a voice in my head said "Stop it. Drop it. Get out of here."

So I did. I closed my computer. grabbed my purse and car keys and left the house. [no, I did not abandon my kids.. they were in school]

And ended up at the movie theater watching "X-Men: Origins Wolverine" [I had been dying to go see that one.. do you all have any idea how long it's been since I've gone to a movie theater by myself for a *grown-up* movie? Neither do I.. it's been a long, long time]

Well, "Wolverine" is.. I only have two words - Holy Sh1t!!!! (and I loved every minute of it..)

[Salamander has been begging me to let him see it with his friends. First, it's a PG-13 movie. And now that I've seen it myself, three words - No Wucking Fay!!]

To my SHOCK, there was a very young couple in the audience who had a little girl with them who couldn't have been more than 3 years old. Yes, a 3 year old at a very intense, PG-13 movie.

And I can't help but think: "I may have made a lot of mistakes with my kids, may have taken more than a few wrong turns, may sometimes embarrass the sh1t out of them, but I have never, ever purposely, or through carelessness, placed them in situations that could be hurtful to their mind, body or soul. Never. Ever"

And I find myself once again getting angry. Not at the couple. They will have to deal with the consequences of their decisions one day (or not). No, I am angry because on so many occasions and in so many situations I am made to feel (by certain people) that every single decision I am making for and with my kids is all WRONG, that I am harming them, that the person I have become/am becoming is all wrong.

And it hits me why I am having such a hard time with this person in this particular work situation. This particular person too, projects the, what I call, 'homo superius & victim' vibe, the "I am completely right, you are completely wrong, YOU are all wrong and woe is me, the victim of your WRONGNESS."

Bottom line I am projecting into this work situation, onto this particular person a personal issue that I obviously need to sort out. At least, now that I realize this, I can refocus in the work situation on the actual issue at hand - the sticky work challenge.

The personal issue won't be quite as neatly and easily brought back to basics. Is who I've become, who I AM becoming that wrong? Am I that wrong in how I approach things, in the choices I make, in how I choose to live life?

Certain people seem to think so. Other people (that truth be told matter a heck of a lot more to me) seem to think that I am pretty OK the way I am. What I need to become clear on, what I need to decide on is what -I think, and then act accordingly..

And all that from going to the movies eh?