Sunday, November 29, 2009

And We Are On Our Way.....

Will be telling my friend C.R. in person later today how HAPPY and THANKFUL I am that she's in my life. She took 4 phone calls from me yesterday as I was working thru yesterday's 'now I have no choice but to tell my boys what is going to happen' situation.
Without EVER making me feel that I was bugging her. She listened to me, gave really great advise and didn't hesitate to kick my ass when I started to back down..

Repeat after me "Fool me many more times than twice, shame on me".. I almost almost almost got suckered in again.... almost.

If not for these two precious boys who deserve a relationship with their father, I'd be cutting ties completely. Right now. This very minute.

Despite (or maybe in spite?) of yesterday's *events*, boys have been having a really good day. Boys and I pretty much followed our usual Sunday routine, and I think that seeing/experiencing that nothing is really going to change is helping the boys. They are actually much calmer, more at ease and easier with each other than they have been in a while...

I may have spoken a bit too soon...
Salamander started having a rough time at around 6.30 pm.. he's sad, he's confused, he told me he's worried about there being enough money, he told me he's worried about me and his dad ending up fighting over him and Potatey and splitting him and Potatey up (I am so impressed with his ability to articulate what his worries are..). I reassured him as best as I could.

What is hard for Salamander is that, so far, I have always always always been able to either give him concrete answers to his questions, or I've been able to work with him on getting to concrete answers. In this particular situation, I simply don't have all the concrete answers, and I've had to say to him several times now "Babes, I just don't know yet how this is going to be, going to work, what it's going to look like. What I can tell you tho is that as soon as I ~do~ know, I will tell you."

It's the ambivalence, the not knowing, the not having an exact picture in his head that is so so so so hard for him (it is hard for any kid, but due to his particular complex of challenges, it IS harder).

Potatey had a rough time at bed time. Sadness and anger. Potatey was clear tho that he wasn't angry at me or at his dad. That he was angry about the situation and that if he had a choice between this situation happening and not happening, he would choose NOT happening (I am very impressed too with Potatey's ability to express himself..). I told him I understood, but that that is not a choice there is. That the situation IS happening and that we are going to have to work thru it, one day, one moment at a time. Interestingly, once Potatey had had a chance to say *his piece* and squeeze *the snot* out of his stress ball (he has a squishy ball next to his bed that he squeezes really really hard when he's angry about something that has happened during the day), he snuggled right into his blankets as he always does and drifted off to sleep....

It's a process obviously, and I fully anticipate that the "dinner until bedtime" period will be rough for the boys for a while. I just have to make sure that I stay open and present to their feelings about the whole situation, that I give them a chance to say what they need to say (without inserting my own feelings into what they are saying, or taking what they are saying personally..).

We will get thru this, that I ~do~ know.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home