What to do....

So it's no secret that I've hit a real rough spot emotionally this week. I am starting to do better again (not in the least due to the nice compliments that my two young men have been tossing my way, see my previous post)...

But I am still a bit fragile, and what I observed this morning in Potatey's preschool class didn't exactly help. In fact, it threw me back into some really, really bad memories.. of the time that things really started to "go south" with Salamander..

A little girl recently transitioned from the toddler group into Potatey's preschool class, and boy, is this little girl having a hard time with the transition.. At least, THAT is what I hope it is... I had an opportunity to observe her for about 40 minutes, and to be honest, I am really worried about this little girl.

When Potatey and I walked in at 8.45 am, this little girl (she just turned 3) was already in her third time out for the day. She had already been "physical" with two of her preschool mates (scratching, biting, spitting, the works), and had just had a meltdown of atomic proportions in which she had turned over several buckets of toys and thrown said toys at the teachers, the other kids and all over the classroom. Ms. J was beside herself with exasperation, and had carted this little girl off to 'the office' for the so maniest time this week. Ms. J even relayed to me that what I just described had pretty much been 'the routine' with this little girl since she transitioned about 2 weeks ago.

Alarm bells going off with anybody yet? Mine sure did....

As I was getting ready to leave, Ms. A walked this little girl back into the classroom and directed the little girl to go pick up the big toy mess she had made. The little girl just stood there, with a blank look on her face, with one of the toy buckets at her feet... like she didn't know what to do.
I approached her, made sure she could see me and that we had eye contact, explained that we were going to pick up toys together, gently took her hand and, using hand over hand, proceeded with picking up the toys and placing them in the bucket. Her little head snapped up, and she eagerly proceeded with collecting as many toys as she could possibly hold in her hands. She however didn't put them in the bucket until I directed her, by guiding her hands into the bucket, to put the toys IN the bucket. She then on her own proceeded in picking up the toys that were immediately around her, but then wandered off and went to sit in a corner BEHIND a book shelf.
Ms. J and Ms. M called her multiple times to come back and finish cleaning up, the little girl didn't respond at all. Just sat there with a blank look on her face. I went over (yes, I realize that I may have invaded the teachers' turf here.. but hell, I've lived this type of stuff for a looooong time, and I just can't walk away..), gently got this little girl out from behind the book shelf, walked her back to where more toys were strewn around, and got her back into pick-up mode the same way I did before...She spoke maybe 5 or 6 words the whole 15 to 20 minutes we were working on the picking up toys project (then again, maybe this is "normal", but I am used to my two, who never ever shut up..)

I commented to Ms. M that it seemed that this little girl needed a lot of hand-over-hand and very direct instruction, more then you would expect for a 3 year old. She agreed and just as we were getting a little more into it, all hell broke loose and this little girl went at one of her class mates again. Ms. M tried to intervene and this little girl let out an ear piercing shriek and started clawing and spitting at Ms. M. Ms. M could barely control her, and off to the office this little girl went... once again.

Ms. M and I talked a little more.. and I'll summarize the conversation by saying that there is definitely something going on with this little girl. Too many behaviors that are oh so familiar to me, and that combined with her poor eye contact and that blank look on her face (you all know what I am talking about)...I just don't know.. but I have my suspiscions...

I promised Ms. M that I was going to root through my Autism Spectrum Disorder books for the diagnostic checklists and 'tell tale signs' for the 2 to 3 year old age group and that I would bring those in for her. I also suggested that perhaps the preschool teachers may want to start taking more detailed notes on this litlte girl, and if a particular picture starts to emerge, to discuss this with her parents. And I know all too well that the latter is going to be a really hard conversation to have.

What struck me though is how quick some of the teachers were ready to simply consider this little girl a 'problem child'. And that their solution was to either exclude her from any further group participation or to get her out of the class room as quickly and as often as possible. I am the mother of such a 'problem child', and if there truly is something going on with this little girl, the problem is not this litle girl, the problem is in how people interact with her (and I will be forever grateful to Salamander for teaching me that very important difference). I was struck by how quickly she responded to my hand-over-hand/very specific instructions.. I think that there is a very bright but very confused little kiddo in there..

I haven't been able to get this little kiddo out of my head. Ms. M seems to have enough interest and willingness to explore what could be going on a bit further, I am not so sure about the other teachers... And when I mentioned the possibility of an 'Autism Spectrum Disorder', several of the teachers looked at me like I had two heads. They had never heard of ASD.....

Which bugs me to no end, as the age group these teachers work with is where you will start to see 'the signs'. And with the current statistics (1 in 165), these teachers are bound to meet a few spectrum kiddos over the course of their carreer. So why haven't the various day care provider organizations picking up on the fact that there is a serious need for staff education here? Similarly, why are the various schools that provide classes in early child development not making autism a standard part of the curriculum?

I'd love to work more with Potatey's day care to provide some staff education.. but to be realistic.. I have my plate MORE than full.

All I can do for now is provide Ms. M with some materials, and hope that, if this little girl's issues 'fit', she'll continue to ask me questions and that together we can help this little girl....