Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Jolie-laid, Halloween (aka Fun with Da Suit)

[Bumping up one more time, originally posted on Thursday October 9th. Last chance to leave me a comment and to enter the contest.. LOL ..]

and all that....

It's been a crazy, discombobulated kinda week so far.. so be prepared for a crazy, discombobulated kinda post...

So exactly a week ago, some THING arrived in the mail, some THING so magnificently ugly that it is actually beautiful in a weird, twisted sort of way (my Froggy and Cannuck friends call this Jolie-laid... no, no, no, NOT Jolie got laid; get your mind out of the gutter; although I am not sure if La Jolie wearing this number would equal birth control ...LOL ).

I am talking about this THING. Yes, the traveling THING that became a hotly contested item within the *sisterhood*, and that, once Mrs. K *gave it up* first went here, and then ended up here...

Now I've always had a weird, twisted sort of way fascination with Halloween. Moving to the States from L"Europe back in 1993 was very hard on me at first.. despite both *continents* being part of Western *civilization* (and yes, the civilization part is very much debatable), there are HUGE differences. Differences that took me a long time to get used to, and truth be told? Some stuff I'll never ever get used to (the *Presidential Election Circus* being one example).

One *thing*, however, that I took to as a fish takes to water was Halloween. The whole weird, spooky, grown-ups having a legit reason to act exactly as crazy as they truly are gelled very well with my weird, twisted sense of humor. I've been a die-hard fan of Halloween ever since that first time back in 1993, and have been an active instigator/participant in many a wacked out Halloween party (including two preggo Halloweens).

Once the first kiddo made his entrance in to my life, I could not WAIT for that first Halloween to arrive. Imagine my disappointment when Salamander HATED Halloween pretty much on sight (and looking back, that instant aversion is now very much explainable - Sensory Overload Extraordinaire). So for the first five years of Salamander's life I really had to tone things down, to not add any fuel to the frequent freak-out situations we already were dealing with. And no, going Trick or Treating most definitely was NOT part of the plan...

Potatey on the other hand is very much a chip of the old momma block. At the ripe old age of 7.5 months, during his very first Halloween, he just could NOT get enough of it all. That particular Halloween was a very warm one, so I had Potatey outside in his Exersaucer with me, while I passed out candy to all the ghouls, goblins, princesses, dragons, Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers and what not floating around in the neighborhood. And the crazier the costumes, the more *bouncy* Potatey would get (Salamander on the other hand was inside the house on the couch with his face plastered against the window, hooting, howling, spitting, hissing and screaming at anybody that would climb up our front steps ... once again very much explainable ... the poor kiddo...I was so clueless at that time).

Now I am happy to report that, as Salamander started getting better (from a physical as well as a mental health perspective), he got much more into the whole Halloween thing (for us, it's never been about the candy.. and how I deal with the candy situation is a subject for another post). In fact, last year he was so much into it that he even wanted to go to the *Monster Mash* at his school. And OMG, we had a BLAST (and we did make quite a pair, if I say so myself; now Salamander has already announced that he wants to go to this year's *Monster Mash* as well, but I have a feeling that I'll be ditched at the door for a much younger and prettier girl.. LOL).

Potatey of course, very much stayed Potatey, and has continued to be an eager partner-in-crime in any and all things kooky and spooky.

Now what does all of this have to do with Da Suit, you ask? Patience, my dears, patience. I am getting to that.

This year, with two Halloween crazy boys, shopping for decorations has been a TON of fun. And while their tastes are definitely running toward the "juvenile, potty humor' side of things, they both have been very creative in coming up with silly and kooky gags for around the house.

Now remember my comment on Jeanne's blog that Da Suit would make one scary *Halloween* decoration? The boys agreed 100%. In fact they thought it was so scary that they begged me to never ever even consider ever buying (let alone putting on) something like it, as they feared that what you are about to see would happen to me (and this little gal is sitting in my favorite spot too).

(now note the horrified and stupefied look on her face.. instant and sudden death comes to mind..).
And as to this number and it's effectiveness as birth control, look what happened to this gal's poor fella....PETRAFIED!!!!

Oh, and Kim, DO note the wooden shoes... as well as the 'bound and gagged' significant other... Yes, yes, I remember the tulips request too, so here you go...

Happy now???

So now that I’ve fulfilled my end of the deal with the contest, it’s time to pass this little number on. Do you have a great idea for the KStag-Ugly Suit? If so, here are the original contest rules as per Kim Stagliano:

1) If you enter, you must agree to run a contest for this suit on your own blog within a week of receiving the suit in the mail. This gives you ample time to ogle its shiteousness before sending it along to the next soon-to-be disgusted recipient. You can photograph the suit on your cat, your Harley, a tombstone - it’s your call. Run the photo on your blog. Be creative. Tell your blog buddies where the contest began - and send this Lycra loser along to whoever wins your contest.
2) Leave a comment and an email address so I can reach you. Or email me at, if you’d rather not leave your email address in the comments. But still leave a comment, OK?

All right - let’s see where this beautie is going to travel to next!!!


At 9:30 PM, October 09, 2008 , Anonymous Jeanne said...

I'm not kidding.. and I'm not trying to rip off O'Neil's post; but, I really did just pee my pants.. just a bit.. from laughing so hard!

I'm still laughing!

OMG! Too funny!
Off to put up a link!

At 10:07 PM, October 09, 2008 , Blogger K Fuller said...

I literally had to force myself not to look ahead in your post!
I laughed so loud everyone came over to the computer.
Give those 2 some candy! They look like they are *SOUL* mates indeed.
I don't have a blog, and no one to read my blathering, but I really enjoy following along. The designer of that suit never expected to get this much attention! I wonder if they are proud or ashamed of what they created?
Good Job, great laugh, Thanks

At 10:12 PM, October 09, 2008 , Blogger Full Soul Ahead! said...

LOVE IT! Perfect!

At 11:07 PM, October 09, 2008 , Anonymous Angela warner said...

OMG!!!! I just bust my gut and I had to call Jeanne and then we had a bust a gut on the phone all over again!

Petra that is awesome! All I can say is "freakin' nice" JOB!!!

I am entering and if I win I will show you the meaning of k fuller's comment of *SOUL* mates! Indeed I will!

I may just have to put this on my desktop until Hallow's Eve!

Oh yeh... I'm doin' it! Sign me up!

At 11:08 PM, October 09, 2008 , Anonymous Jeanne said...

Sweet! I'm putting it on my desktop too! :-)

At 6:04 AM, October 10, 2008 , Blogger Kim Stagliano said...


Kim (who now feels like a fat pig when she tried on that suit.)

At 9:15 AM, October 10, 2008 , Blogger Petra said...

Hi y'all!!

OK, getting the *needy* stuff out of the way first. It was friggin' awesome to find this many comments waiting for me this morning!!!!!

Jeanne, Ang - I hope no permanent damage???? LOL.

k fuller - thank you and you're welcome. My boyos haven't seen the actual blog post (and they won't!! as some of the stuff I wrote is not suitable for kid eyes.. LOL), but they HAVE seen the pictures (yes, they are on MY desktop.. GRIN) and seeing them triggers many giggles every time (of course they were willing participants in this whole thing.. who do you think found our little gal's significant other??)

full soul ahead! - thanks. Maybe one of these days my gal and your cat can have a little chat..

Kim - gives new meaning to *size 0* eh? (and honey, you could never ever be a fat pig, not even if you tried.. you're what, a size 4?? I think the last time I was a size 4 was in 2nd grade..).

Keep the comments comin'. I'll be checking in again later today.

(off to prepare for next week's IEP meeting. It's probably going to be the toughest one in Salamander's *IEP career*).

Oh Jeanne? Please tell your mom how much I appreciate what she wrote on your blog. I'll comment on your blog as well..

At 9:54 AM, October 10, 2008 , Blogger Charlie's Warrior Granny said... Dear Petra...I believe you've outdone yourself! Love your Halloween story, and Love your "da suit" vignette! Wait til the UPS guy sees it...I'm sure you'll find him rolling around on your stoop LOLing...
just like I'm STILL my office of course...not on your stoop!!!!
ps: Just for the record: I peed my pants too! REALLY GREAT JOB!

At 1:54 PM, October 10, 2008 , Blogger Petra said...

Charlie's warrior granny - thanks!! I did have to strip the poor gal down again though.. didn't want to expose Da Suit to the elements (as the weather has been a bit fluky out here). So no UPS guy wetting himself.. LOL.. Although, you just never know as the *significant other* is still prominently placed on my porch swing. GRIN!!

(yup, taking a quick break from IEP prep hell..)

At 6:11 PM, October 10, 2008 , Blogger Laura said...

Oh my! That is very scary! Much more frightening than Michelle's poor cat! You may not get any trick or treaters this year if you leave it out like that.

At 4:13 PM, October 13, 2008 , Blogger Robin said...

Oh My! I am trying to sneak read this at work and I had to stifle an outburst. This is too funny (and frightening.)


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