Thursday, February 12, 2009



I kept Potatey home from school. He had a fever when he woke up. Nothing major, MAJOR, but enough for me to say (especially as we've been in back-to-back illness now for over 4 weeks) 'you're gonna stay home'.

Potatey spent most of the day happily puttering around. Building lego constructions, talking with me about school, his friends, sharing lots of very unique thoughts that make Potatey Potatey.

We took a drive together to a large Nature Reservation in the next town over. They organize very good nature camps, and I needed to get the boys signed up for a day for next week. Potatey LOVED our drive. It was sunny out, we rolled down the windows, "Look at this mommy", "That is so pretty mommy", and "It's so much fun to just be with you, mommy" (poor guy, he IS the sandwich kid - mushed between his brother and his brother's needs..).


I prepared pizzas for the boys during the day. Potatey helped me prepare them. Finding ingredients, making suggestions. So all we would have to do upon getting home later that day was to put the pizzas in the oven.


I worked very hard on getting several issues resolved at Salamander's school. And thanks to one awesome TEAM member (who completely 'gets it'), the issues WERE resolved. The Salamander that Potatey and I picked up from school radiated a "happy, content, feel good in my own skin" energy (much much different from the day before's "rage, overwhelming anxiety, sadness" energy).

Salamander zipped through his homework while we were driving, and then spent the rest of the drive playing games with Potatey, reading to him, making up silly rhymes. And Potatey soaked it all up.

Salamander worked hard in tutoring yesterday. He is almost 'done' with the math program and next week we'll officially start tapering down from the intense instruction schedule. Per his therapists, he was "on, great focus and attention, great persistence when things get tough."

Potatey played in the waiting room - he realized how tired I was and said "go take a nap, mommy" (the Norwell center has a very comfy couch). And he took out pencils and found a note pad in my bag - and drew pictures for almost 25 minutes while I snoozed.


The boys played together during Salamander's breaks. They had such a good time together.. and all staff came out with big smiles on their faces, and watched them..


The boys devoured their pizzas and got through their supplement routine 'just like that'. They both fell asleep easily and by 9.15 pm all was quiet.


I was only going to sit down for 15 minutes. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 2 am (!!). I then crawled off to bed. But that did mean I didn't get done all that I needed to get done for the boys' Valentine's Day/100th day of school parties (special snacks, special drinks, print out Salamander's friendship poem, pack up the boys '100 things', write the Valentine's Day cards for classmates..).

But as yesterday was a pretty good day, I figured I could get it done this morning.


Salamander woke up at 5 am (the time I was getting up too) - he needed to go to the bathroom and then had trouble going back to sleep. He needed me to stay with him for a bit, which I did.

Potatey then woke up at 5.30 am. Same deal.

I made it downstairs by 5.50 am. Got the brownie mix prepared and in the oven. Thursday morning Pancake mix followed. Finished and packed up Valentine's Day cards. Packed up 100th day of school projects. Wrote Salamander a special card for his lunch box.

I got up feeling absolutely horrible (I still do... I am writing this from my bed with umpteen blankets wrapped around me and I cannot get warm). Jello in the head, no processing, no motor planning, very light headed.

Potatey was up, again, at 6.10 am. Needed my help once again. I helped him go back to sleep, once again.

I can feel my anxiety levels start to rise. It's now 6.25 am and I haven't even started yet on the boys morning supplements and lunch boxes. Plus I am really not feeling good, so I am not exactly quick in getting things done either.

Boys get up at 6.45 am - they are both dragging butt. I am trying to hurry them along (as the minutes are ticking away), they are resisting. I get more frustrated and anxious. Still so much left to do


Things got ugly at around 7.50 am. I completely and utterly lost my temper - over some really stupid sh1t. I yelled and screamed at my boys, even threw things.

I scared my beautiful boys out of their minds.


I realized what I was doing. How unfair I was being to my boys. I apologized to them, we talked things through. And then it was time to get ready for the school bus.

Potatey was fine by the time we got to the bus stop - he's quick to bounce back, quick to move on. He even teased me mercilessly about the fact that I 'said a lot of bad words, mommy, now YOU have to put quarters in the jar." [something I had started with Salamander when his language started becoming a little too 'salty' - school buses are the devil's playground].

Salamander, however, was still shaky (literally and emotionally - I am so much his anchor and when you see your anchor lose it like that - well, I can only imagine how scared he must have been).

And I feel terrible..

Yesterday was a really, really good day.
Did I f#ck it all up, by projecting my bull sh!t on the boys today????


At 12:56 PM, February 12, 2009 , Blogger K Fuller said...

Sorry you are not feeling well.
Hot soup, Hot tea, Hot shower!!!
Do you cheat the quarter jar like I do?? Nick never figures out I use the quarters that he has to pay for his forbidden words. I live for the day he discovers it!!
Feel better soon.

At 5:06 AM, February 14, 2009 , Anonymous silk said...

geeze, what comment would you have left on someone else's blog who confessed to not being perfect and having a human moment of weakness? I'm pretty sure you'd have a little sympathy. Don't beat yourself up so badly. You already apologized to them. Forgive yourself. Focus on the good. You are taking great care of them, and that is one of the hardest jobs in the world. I know. All your fans know.


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