My Apologies...

but I have officially hit *overload*.

I had a (mini?) mental breakdown on Tuesday afternoon.. compounded by the fact that I grandiosely fell off the gluten free wagon on Monday, which all resulted in one

Big Mucking Emotionally Fessy Howl-Out

from which I am only slowly finding my way back (ask dear Tori from Lend4Health what I did last night..).

Something is going to have to give for a bit.. and so sorry, but it's gonna be the blog. I fully expect to be back up and running during the second half of next week (as I'll be at AutismOne in Chicago then.. and you can bet your behinds that I'll be blogging from there).

But for now my attention needs to be directed towards the following:

Salamander continues to have some *funky stuff* going on. Part of it is *typical* (pre)-teen stuff, part of it is that last week he was constantly being exposed to food cross contamination, part of it is anxiety as this week is state mandated (MCAS) math testing, part of it is the B12 *bath tub* ever so slowly filling up (yes, the HB12 shots are starting to take), part of it is pollen allergies, part of it is anxiety because mom's gonna be gone part of next week, part of it may be increased detox (especially viral), and part of it is "I just don't the hell know". I need to focus on eliminating and addressing the various parts, as I will be gone part of next week.

I will be going to AutismOne in Chicago next week. I am leaving Wednesday eve May 20th, as soon as the boys are sitting down for dinner (my flight is at 8.25 pm). I will be returning on Sunday May 24th round dinner time. And yes, that means I'll be away from them for 4 days and 4 nites. For 2 full school days. For almost 2 full at home days. For 4 breakfasts, 4 lunches, 4 dinners, many many snacks, many many supplement & medication administration sessions, and for any and all *rumble* situations that may arise (at school and at home). And yes I am worried about that. Very worried.

I will go, I have to go, no I NEED to go to Autism One. But please, no comments along the line of 'they'll be just fine, what can happen, you just need to trust their dad that he'll do the right thing'. Been there, got burned many times, don't need
any more t-shirts. I need to prepare as much as I can ahead (food & supplements & meds), get whatever back-up troops I can find on board, pray and hope for the best, and be prepared to go into full bore damage control when I get back (maybe one of these days I'll describe how I found the boys & the house LAST year when I returned from Autism One.. it was (f)ugly..). So I need to get busy on meal planning, supplement & meds planning and make it all as simple and idiot proof as possible.

There is an utter and complete breakdown in communications between the boys' dad and myself on any and all things related to the boys. I don't know how to get beyond the blocks - all I can say that it is utterly impossible to have a conversation with a person who hangs up on you, walks away from you in a face-to-face conversation, who won't answer your emails, who grabs his Blackberry in the middle of a conversation, who counters everything you say (no matter how you say it) with "That's not true. That's not how it is. You are imagining things. It's all in your head. Well, that's your interpretation". Or when presented with evidence to the contrary says "Well, you never told me that before. I don't remember that. I never got that information.' Or who, when there are others presen,t will agree with and to prety much anything but will ignore any and all commitments made once those others exit (oh yes, all that lovely passive aggressive and *gas lighting* stuff).

Things have gotten petty, and it's affecting the boys, especially Salamander. It'll probably require some type of counseling or mediation to move forward. I don't see yet how, in what format, or whether it will have any effect. I need to find time to think about it all and get my head clear while I'm in Chicago.

I am running very behind on Salamander's transition process from Elementary school to Middle School. This was supposed to have gotten started in February, it is now May (delay on my end is purely due to the never ending stream of illnesses we've had here). I found out about some very disturbing school system revamp/reorganization plans this morning that may have a huge impact on Salamander's program as it currently exists as well as on future programs within the Middle School and High School. I need to get all the dirty details, need to turn the Middle School upside down and then go from there (and God forbid if Potatey may ever need some type of assistance in the future..you just never know).

And then of course there's Potatey who needs my attention. There's the usual stuff that's involved in keeping this zoo running. And then there's paying work that has just stepped up. And then there are two volunteer things that I've gotten into that need some of my time.

Yes, plate is full, and something is going to have to come off. I will be back...