Friday, August 29, 2008


the fact that every single time I need for the boys' dad to step up to the plate and take care of the boys for an extended period (note: I'm talking hours, not days), I get trapped in this passive-aggressive b.. s...

So I'm way behind on work.. waaaaay behind.... and to add to the *fun*, two of my deadlines got moved up... to next Monday nite and next Thursday morning respectively.

So I really needed to work today, and I really need to work tomorrow and Monday as well (Tuesday is more school visits, last minute school supply shopping and clothes shopping if I don't pull THAT off on Sunday, and then Wednesday is orientation day for Potatey/meeting with school medical personnel at Potatey's school, so those two days are basically shot).

I let the boys' dad know that I need to be able to put in a solid 10 hours today(preferably in one long go, as I just don't make enough headway in five 2 hour stretches as I would in one 10 hour stretch), as well as Saturday and Monday.

He agreed to take care of the boys (why did I ask him, you ask? Only because my other childcare options are not available or otherwise occupied..)

Today was a total disaster... all of the sudden there were all kinds of things that HAD to get done in the am. So instead of getting started at 8 am, I didn't get started until 10.45 am (!!). And then there was an *interruption* at 2.30 pm, another one from 3.15 till 4 pm, and then I had to, temporarily, call it a day at 5.15 pm (I'll be working again once the boys are asleep... sigh). So how many hours was I able to put in so far? You can do the math. NOT ENOUGH!!

So as said, I'll be working tonite until God only knows when until I have reached the goal I wanted to reach for today. And I am afraid tomorrow and Monday will probably be the same deal.

I HATE this begging, pleading, cajoling crap. It's not like I'm asking for time to get my hair done, or my nails, or to go shopping for myself, or just sit on my ass. I am asking so I can do paying work!!!!

UGH... I am seriously, seriously considering checking myself into a hotel for the next 3 days so I am not *accessible* and not *reachable*, and I can actually get stuff done!!!


At 9:58 PM, August 29, 2008 , Anonymous Jeanne said...

Isn't it sad that most of us moms can't step away from mothering; yet a lot of the dads out there can't step up? Or won't. 'Cause they don't have to. 'Cause we don't ever step back. 'Cause we CAN'T. 'Cause they won't ever step up. And the vicious cycle goes on and on.

It is maddening.

At 8:41 AM, August 30, 2008 , Blogger Petra said...

Yup, a dear friend of mine refers to situations like this as 'the wheels on the bus go round and round..'

[my reply to her has been as of late 'I want to get off the d@mn bus!']

I've been told that situations like I've described are largely of my own creation, because I have, over the years, obtained *absolute control* over the boys treatments, their diet, their therapies, their educational programs, communications with their schools, etc.

While there is truth in that assertation, I never actively *planned and plotted* to end up in that position. The other party simply started doing less and less, and then faded out all together during a really really rough period. So what was I supposed to do? The boys needed (and continue to need) care, extensive care, and somebody had to take action. And I didn't see or hear anybody else volunteer to be that somebody, so it all came down to me...

I can't *do right* no matter how you turn this. Stepping back and *letting him do things his way* can seriously hurt my kids. Especially when it comes to their diet and supplements there is no 'moms and dads do things differently, and that's OK', there is only ONE way, which happens to be what I and the boys medical team have figured out works bests over the course of many many years.

Ugh.. time to go feed the monkeys and then I'm going into hiding for the day...

At 9:06 AM, August 30, 2008 , Anonymous Jeanne said...

Amen. You are so right.


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