Thursday, August 07, 2008

Fear Is The Mind-killer...

After I wrote this yesterday,

"Don't know WHAT to think.. And that may be part of my problem.. I need to stop (over?)thinking and wondering IF the lead paint exposure will trigger anything. Instead I need to start trusting my gut again; along the line of *He's in detox. Deal with that. Make him as comfortable as you can get him. Keep testing. Stop playing Doom's Day and What If.*"

I felt a lot calmer, more able to *go with the flow and do what needs doing*. And the remainder of the afternoon and early evening went smoothly.

In the midst of dinner rush though I felt my anxiety and frustration levels rise again. And then out of nowhere this pops up in my head:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

Frank Herbert, Dune (1965)

I used to read the Dune books a lot; not necessarily in one big go, but a chapter here and a chapter there. I have not opened a Dune book in YEARS. In fact, it's been a long time since I've read anything that does not have to do with stuff I need to read for work (I read a LOT of medical literature on a variety of topics), or stuff pertaining to meta/mito disorders, special needs kids, etc. etc.

Time to change that. Time to focus on regaining solid ground under my feet. Time to *let go* of a few things.

And whenever I start to slip back into anxiety/frustration/anger mode (which are all different words for FEAR), I will tell myself:

I must not fear.
Fear is the Mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration
I will face my fear ....


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