To Thine Own Self Be True... CONTINUED

POST IS UNDER EDITING...

Not sure how much time I will have to actually write this post....

Something is shifting.. for me, and thereby for my boys and others in my environment.
First half of this week was rough, Wednesday was rough too.. but then I got talking with a few folks.. and while I didn't specifically discuss what was eating away at me, enough was spoken (and left unspoken) to help me get out of my funk.

Snippets for now... I need to have this all stew in my head, heart and soul before a cohesive whole will start to emerge.

"I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing, exactly when I am supposed to be doing it. And I am feeling exactly what I am supposed to be feeling."

[read on another blog earlier today, am paraphrasing here]; Insanity personified is keep doing the exact same thing over and over again, and expecting the results to change.

Karma - What Goes Around Comes Around.

[read in an email this morning, again I am paraphrasing}:
Whatever it is that you want in life, find a way to GIVE it to others.
If you want more support, BE more supportive...
If you want more help, BE more helpful...
If you want more friends, BE more friendly...
If you want more love in your life, be more loving (and help others to get more love in their life!).
Whatever it is that you want, you gotta BRING it FIRST.

Now where the HELL is all of this coming from? Well, for the first time in the past 8+ years (as Salamander's challenges WELL preceded the time point of his official diagnosis) I find myself NOT operating at DEFCON 1 every single day. In fact, the last several months, most days I've operated at a, comfortable, DEFCON 3 (while maintaining the ability to go to DEFCON 2 or 1 at a nano seconds notice). Some days I've even been able to 'step down' to DEFCON 4.

So for the first time in a long time I have time to think, time to process, time to feel (and combine that with the fact that I am turning, GULP, 40 this upcoming April), time to make sense out of all that has happened, time to find the purpose, time to figure out what I am supposed to learn from all of this. I am getting to a point that I can spend some time on ME.. think about ME.. think about what -I- need and want.

I have been reading about Eastern Vedic astrology a lot as of late. Western Astrology NEVER made sense to me. Western Astrology is determined by one's SUN sign, and mine supposedly is Taurus. It has never ever fit. NEVER. Indian, or Vedic, Astrology puts much more weight on a person's Ascendant (or Rising Sign - the constellation that appeared at the horizon at the TIME and PLACE of one's birth) and Moon sign (the constellation in which the MOON resided at the time and PLACE of one's birth).

Now at the risk of making you all think I've gone completely off my rocker.. but just stay with me here...
My Ascendant is the constellation Jyeshtha. Jyeshthafalls within the Sign Scorpio. So that would, and this is incredibly oversimplified, make my Rising Sign Scorpio (and Scorpio's ruling planet Mars falls in the sign Scorpio at the time and place of my birth).

My Moon is in the constellation Magha, which falls within the sign Leo. So that make (and again, I am oversimplifying) my Moon Sign the Leo.

OMG.. all I can say is that the descriptions of the Scorpio Ascendant and Leo Moon so fit....the good and the 'bad' parts....Ouch....ouch... ouch..

And then there are 'The Cycles of Saturn' (Sadi Sati - I'll add good descriptive link later), which the most challenging cycle being the period that Saturn is traveling through the sign of your moon (again, I am grossly oversimplifying...) This particular cycle started for me Late May of 2005 (yes, that time frame DOES have incredible significance for me..)

I can hear you all think: "OK, the years of sleep deprivation and a touch of PTSD have finally done her in."

Maybe, maybe not...I'm just going to 'stick' with all of the above for a bit....You're welcome to come along on the ride..