Monday, June 30, 2008

A Crazy Disorganized Mess of a Day..

it is becoming... (having been gone this weekend resulted in all kinds of things not being prepared like I usually do for the week to come). And I am already so stressed out that I am literally vibrating (I have a whole new appreciation for how Salamander feels when anxiety and worry overwhelm him...). Time to go take a long shower to get my head cleared out and then I'll tackle all that needs taking care of one by one by one by one by one by one by one by.. (you get the drift)

I am going to go MIA until much much later (today and maybe even tomorrow).

P.S. Need to get one thing 'off my chest' as right now THAT is adding hugely to my stress levels. If I hear either of my boys go one more time "But daddy said he was going to do X with me.", or "But daddy said we were going to go to Y.", I am going to SCREAM!!! I am NOT frustrated with the boys as they obviously can't help feeling disappointed when commitments or promises made are not being followed up on. I am just getting so fed up with having to explain or apologize.... I've tried bringing these issues up (and believe me I do try very hard to be nice, non confrontational and neutral when trying to discuss things; no use of "You did not do..." or "You are not doing.." or "You make them/me feel like ..." - very different from the way I let things 'rip' here.. hey, this is MY blog and this is the one place where I don't want to have to be all PC). But no matter how I try to raise things, I run smack into this huge wall of 'defensiveness'. I can't even get half a sentence out of my mouth and it's "Well, I never said that.", or "I never made that promise.", or, "Well, the plans changed. I'll do X or Y at some point."

Sigh.. as I said, I am sick and tired of having to explain or apologize for things that are not of my doing (first of all, I don't make promises I don't have any intent of keeping. And if I have to break a promise, the boys KNOW I'll explain and apologize and that I had little control over the circumstances that led to me having to break a promise). I guess I must be the 'odd duck'.. and I am seriously wondering if, by doing what -I- am doing around promises made and follow through, I am setting the bar for the boys' expectations too high? Maybe other people randomly make promises to their kids too and then don't keep em and think nothing of it??? However, taking that approach just feels so 'wrong' to me and what is that going to do to the trust the other parties may have in you??? But maybe I am just expecting too much ...


At 12:10 PM, June 30, 2008 , Anonymous Jeanne said...

I don't think you are setting the bar too high for the boys' expectations. I don't think your approach is wrong. If someone says they are going to do something, and they don't do it, they need to take responsibility for explaining why XYandZ did not get done and whether it will ever get done in the future. And you are right about the trust part - you are building trust with your boys, the other "party" in question seems to be sending a different message all together.

And lastly, you cannot control the actions of others, you can only control your responses to those actions (I know you know this.. I just felt like saying it. ;-) ). By being the grown up in the situation and being honest with your kids, you are helping them to process the disappointment they are surely feeling. So now you are teaching them a new lesson - one which we all need to learn in life - how to process disappointments and let downs. Good job Petra! Good Mommy!


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