We're Working Through Stuff...
As I kinda suspected, Salamander's lashing out was a 'letting it all out due to a build-up of a bunch of stuff' issue... And we're talking through all the stuff right now...
Still, that doesn't make what he did acceptable. And he's getting that part loud and clear. He does feel really bad, especially after I explained that slapping a person like he slapped me means that you think the other person is just absolutely worthless, that that person is *nothing*. He turned very pale when I told him that and said "I had no idea that that is what that meant. This is what people do in those silly cartoons all the time..."
I DO believe that he truly did not understand what a slap like that communicates (and once again, it also shows how *dangerous* even silly cartoons can be for a child that doesn't necessarily process the non-spoken parts of certain actions). The good that came out of this is that now he DOES know. And I don't think he'll ever slap me or anybody else like that ever again.
Impulse control.. it's so damn hard...
Processing the implications of impulsive actions and then dealing with the emotional consequences.... even harder.
I explained to Salamander that, because of what happened, I am going to need a little distance from him today.. emotional distance that is. That I am not going to be as able today to *place myself in his shoes and see things from his point of view* as I typically am. And that that means he may not get as much help today sorting through things as he typically gets.
And I think me saying THAT was actually more *punishment* for him than the time spent in his room and loosing a shopping privilege.
To Be Continued
The other hard part? Having to sent Potatey away, who was working his little tail off trying to make me and Salamander feel better, so Salamander and I had the space and time to really talk. So who is really getting *punished* for Salamander's behaviors????
Welcome to the Rollercoaster Ride from Hell. Some days I just cannot win ...
posted by Petra @ 11:45 AM
2 Comments
2 Comments:
Petra,
I am so sorry. But you know what? It is times like these that I realize why our children were given to us. You handled this situation with grace and understanding. You did. I think about what it would have been like if Salamander had slapped someone who didn't "get it" - and then I realize why so many kids are abused.
You are such a great mom, so loving and so good at getting to the root of the issue and finding a way to nurture the problem... THAT is a true gift.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. The ups of the ATEC (fantastic!), to the pits of hell of something like what happened with Salamander. The more we put these experiences out there, the more our kids will be better understood - and I guess we'll be better understood as well.
Take care. I'm thinking of you! And remember, you are an awesomely awesome mom!! :-)
Thank you...
I really don't feel so awesome right now. In fact, I am EXHAUSTED and still shaking *in my flip flops* (emotionally and literally).
See, what Salamander does NOT know, is that him slapping me like that brought back some bad memories.. REALLY bad ones..
And that of course has nothing to do with him, but everything to do with me. And once I recognized that my emotional reaction had multiple layers to it and once I was able to put the layers that pertained to ME (and my bagage) aside, I could start having a conversation with Salamander...
We'll get through this one again too.. But it goes to show ya.. you can just never ever *take your foot of the gas/brake/clutch*.
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