Yes, I am OK...

I have been asked several times today if I'm OK..

Yes, I actually am.

Am I overwhelmed by what's ahead? Yes. It's gonna take time to untangle the strands of 19 year long journeys that, while far from truly shared, did run parallel.

But as a friend just reminded me. I don't have to *get it all done* in a day, or a week, or even a month. The most important step has been made.. the elephant has been called out and put out of its misery.. and I am at peace with the, for the first time in a very looong time made mutual, decision.

[will I have my rough moments, will I hit bumps in the road/breakdowns along the way? Hell yes..]

Tonight a "deadly ill elephant" was finally put out of its misery..

Now moving on to cleaning up the rotting carcass...

MIA For While Longer..

So I had every intention of doing at least one, if not more, catch up on the going's on post.

And then the rug was pulled out from under me once again. In a big way. No, the boys are OK. We are wrapping up on the school year, both boys are transitioning to new schools in September, so things are hectic and crazy there. Both Salamander and Potatey are rolling with the flow, getting a kick out of all the *graduation* activities...

Salamander continues to have some bad moments, but nothing I can't handle. And whatever *bug present* was left, it has departed too.

It's me this time.. Things that have been brewing in my personal life for a long time have now reached critical mass. And I have to go off and do what needs doing. While protecting my boys the best I can and with all I've got. While doing my very best to shield myself from certain pictures that are being painted of me.. especially the pictures that pertain to me in my capacity and capability as a mother (oh yes, that one hurts like HELL).

I will be back.. just don't know when.. don't want to make any promises I can't keep.

[to all the amazing dads that I do know are out there? Happy Father's Day..]

MIA (for a bit, hopefully temporarily)

Going to have to go MIA for a bit (again..).

A "bug" of some sort (paternal grandfather was sneezing, coughing and wheezing during his visit) seems to have taken up house here and has triggered a flare of my pertussis???/bronchitis+mono??? of earlier this winter. I am exhausted again, coughing, muscle weak, achy, brain fog, easily overwhelmed, hitting emotional overload over the slightest little thing.

I have reintroduced a bunch of supplements that I successfully used earlier this winter to lick *this thing*, but I'll need to give it a few days to see if it has any effect. If not, plan B (don't know yet what plan B will be yet). And yes, I will rest as much as I possibly can.

Salamander is not himself either... have my thoughts on what is going on with him.. not 100% sure yet. Potatey is a bit *off* too....

And I suspect that the crazy, uppy downy weather is so NOT helping.. It's still (relatively speaking) COLD here..

Still here, still *alive* (sort of).

The visit was, well, what can I say that hasn't been said in response to prior visits?
The same, the usual, some folks just can't seem to find very many nice things to say, some folks will just never *get it*.

And I'm done trying to explain, to teach, to justify, to try to get them to understand (heck, after 5 years of that, if they were going to get it, they would by now). Interestingly enough, when I hear them talk about their other grandkids, there's plenty *stuff* going on. But they have decided to take the stance that this *stuff* is what ALL kids go through. They have accepted that all this *stuff* is the new *normal* (which is something I cannot and will not do.. but hey, to each their own, right?)

Wish I could put up a collage of pictures of how my guys look versus their cousins, so you could see what I mean. But as the cousins are not my kids, I can't. All I'm gonna say is "greyish white and puffy faces, swollen eyes, red eyes, purple/black circles, zoned out look, red noses, red cheeks, red ear lobes, very limp and very pale hair, noticeably underweight, noticeably overweight." [and actually, these observations extend to the cousins' parents too..]

But hey, as I am sure most kids that the cousins interact with look that way.. I can see that this would be considered the new *normal*.

Whatever..

Boys overall had a good time.. I think.. Salamander was *different* though.

Taking a day to get my head back where it belongs.. with my amazing boys and the amazing progress they have made and will continue to make.

Salamander did an INCREDIBLE job at his 5th grade musical last night. I cried (happy tears) the entire 45 minutes of the performance. I was inundated by school staff afterwards who all expressed their amazement and delight with how *into it* he got and what a great job he did (and no way, no how he could have done this even 1.5 years ago).

THIS is the stuff that matters.

The rest of it? Just noise.. Some people just like to hear themselves *talk* a bit too much....