Google Search..

Some of the google searches that direct folks to my blog are just too much..
Recent winners?

"Phil DeMio is crazy"
"Lindamood Bell programs don't work"
"Bits on rubber seal of washing machine"

Okay???

[and no, I'm NOT posting the nasty/naughty searches..]

On twitter... Swineflu = Aporkalypse

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

(not that the swine flu isn't a serious matter.. but sjeesh, the news coverage is starting to smell slightly of mass hysteria..)

Another one, also on twitter.. Swineflu = Montefluma's Revenge

Musings Of An "Old Lady"....

So I turned 40.
And I have a lot of mixed feelings about this.

There is something *disturbing* about leaving my third decade of life behind and entering my fourth. For one, the realization that there is a good chance I won't be adding another four decades to my life, that from here on out every day lived is one day closer to the end. On the other end, there is liberation in that. The waiting for *life to really begin* is over. The here and now MUST be the here and now, life needs to be lived NOW (and not later, at a more convenient time). No more wishing for do-overs and second chances. No more holding my breath for things to change or get better.

The past 6 years (well, really the past 10 or so years), have been *challenging* (understatement.. LOL). A little over 11 years ago, less than a month away from my 29th birthday, I gave birth to Salamander. And oh, was I clueless. I was so arrogant, so self absorbed, such a *yuppie*. I was simply gonna fit this child into all the other oh, so incredibly *important* stuff I was doing. Really, how hard could this whole working woman with child stuff be, right? After all, I was gonna have daycare right on site where I worked? And all little babies do anyway is sleep, right?

WRONG. As I said.. clueless..

My pregnancy with Salamander was easy.
Labor, delivery & the aftermath? Not so much. I truly cannot remember much of the first 3 months after Salamander was born. And sometimes I think I'd like to forget the next 10 months after that. Eighteen hours out of every 24, screaming bloody murder, *colic* (looking back? sign of much worse things to come...).

Raising and loving Salamander has been more rewarding, challenging, frustrating, depressing, exhilarating, life altering, exhausting, more "sending me from the highest ranges of bliss to the deepest bowels of hell in a split second", than I ever imagined possible...

Potatey entered the fray about 1.5 months shy of my 34th birthday. Poor kiddo arrived at a time when things were escalating with Salamander.. and not in a good way. Potatey, in so many ways, has been my anchor to sanity. My benchmark, if you will, that whatever was/is going on with Salamander wasn't due to my inept parenting, wasn't due to some maternal defect or deficiency, wasn't due to me 'doing it all wrong, being all wrong'.

Over the past 6 years I have fought an all out war (overt, covert and frequently guerrilla style, one friggin' little *landmark* at a time) for Salamander's soul and well being (and for the past 3 years I have fought for Potatey's well being just as hard).

And I can now, with some confidence, say that I am winning that war, that Potatey will be just fine, that Salamander is ever so slowly moving towards *remission* from whatever it is that is ailing him.

I recently wrote a summary narrative for Salamander - where we were in August of 2006 (in another crisis), and where we are now. It truly is amazing how far he has come. I cannot yet share that narrative here as it is being considered for inclusion in a book (and that is
all I can say for now).

Both boys are doing well, they are doing really well.

It's been a hard fought war. It's taken well over $130,000, countless hours of treatments and therapies, many sleepless nights, many hours of research, and much blood, sweat, poop, pee, vomit, screaming, heat butting, high fevers, biting, spitting, kicking, face slapping and so on to get to where we are now. And I DO consider myself lucky. There are many folks out there who spend twice, no three times as much, have done three times as much, and who haven't been able to realize even a third of the progress my boys have made.

So my 40th birthday finds me blessed, blessed beyond measure that my boys are doing well, that things WILL work out for them.

This birthday also finds me exhausted beyond measure, a bit cynical, and more than a tad disheartened and disillusioned. I have learned the hard way that for many people "for better and for worse, in sickness and in health" are just pretty phrases.. things that just roll out of your mouth, but that don't mean a damn thing. And while trust and patience have always been hard for me, they are most definitely NOT my strongest assets anymore.

Not many of the people I celebrated my 30th birthday with 10 years ago have stuck around. I'll admit that I pushed some away - out of self defense and self preservation perhaps. But many more ran, no sprinted, for the nearest exit - goes right back to that pretty phrase I just mentioned. On the flip side, the folks that stuck around, and the many new friends I've made while riding the Roller Coaster Ride from Hell, are in my life because they truly WANT to be.

A dear friend wrote me a few days ago: "Remember, babe. Life is what you muck'n' fake of it." Well, I've done a lot of muck'n and fakin over the past decade, and I'm prepared for having do to plenty more. I do think however there needs to be more room, that there now IS more room for what -I- want.

As to where to go from here? I truly don't have a (mucking..LOL) clue. I am obviously at a crossroads of some sorts - I am involved (both professionally and personally) in several things that could turn out to be life altering. But contrary to my usual "jump in, take over and wrestle this thing to the ground" approach, I am choosing to *hang back, float along and see what happens*. It's a very different way of being for me, but I find that it's agreeing with me.

Time will tell eh? Will be interesting to read back over this blog post 10 years from now...

Cheers!!

Salamander Writes..

Just have to share this story Salamander wrote, as it gives a wonderful window into a very vivid and colorful imagination [I am literally copying what Salamander wrote, spelling and grammar errors and all - he did write this several months ago, well before the spelling module of his Lindamood Bell tutoring program started..]

While taking a walk one wintry evening I becided to go into the woods.
As a was truging threw the knee beep snow, I cam upon a old tree in the
center of a clearring, black in the purpleish sunset. The old tree had nummeres
nests. As I steped into the clearring, I heard a faint chirp. I looked into the
lowist nest. I found a young falcon with a brocken wing. I carefully picked it
up a tucked it in my coat. It hopped out and openned its mouth. It must be
hungry, I told myself. I took out a beef jeerkey I had been saving for snack. I
unrapped it and tore of a peace and feed him. Then I walked home and built him a
nest. As soon as he could fly and then I set him free.

So Yes..

I am turning 40 today.

My parents arranged for delivery of a beautiful flower arrangement.. all the way from the Netherlands (Thanks so much!! Boys thought that the flowers hopped a plane in the morning to get here in the afternoon...)

My boys get me some beautiful handcrafted artisan jewelry (I'm a sucker for that stuff). They also got me lots of new annuals, perennials & veggies for the garden.
They handmade me *Happy Birthday* cards.

I got lots of funny, sweet, cute, darling emails, tweets, FB notes and voice mails (I LUV you all!!).

My very dear friend CR got me the cutest set of votive candles and a beautiful card with the following:

Happy Birthday
to a woman
who gives so much
to others
and makes
a difference
in so many lives.

Happy Birthday
to a woman who
is admired and appreciated
for being the truly special person
she is

[not sure who she had in mind when she got that card.. but I 'preciate the sentiments.. LOL]

Boys had a pretty good day.. just some *sibling stuff*. They mostly ran around in the yard and played while I planted the new flowers & veggies. A quiet, uneventful day...

Potatey Birthday Party Pictures..

Blogger is finally allowing me to upload pics, so I'm taking advantage of that. I'll edit the various posts to add text later..

Animals courtesy of Curious Creatures (and the kids were supervised by an extremely knowledgeable gentleman at ALL TIMES. No animals nor children were harmed for these pictures.. LOL).

Sorry.. will be MIA a while longer..Lots of stuff happening.. almost all good, very interesting, and potentially life altering. I really am at a crossroads.. have lots to sort, lots of decisions to make. I haven't felt this excited about new possibilities in a long long time..

Yes, yes, I am being cryptic. That's what I need to be for now.. I just need to 'go with where ever all of this is leading me' for a little while..

Boys are good.

Another Satisfied Customer..

[will explain another time..]

About to leave the house for sports commitments - one kid to archery, the other to soccer...
Such a wonderfully, All American thing to write down..

I can already hear all the other parents I'm gonna cross paths with today bitch and moan about having to bring kids to games, stay at games, etc etc.. Me? I'm lovin every minute of it..

BBL (Be Back Later)

Yeah, yeah.. postings have been sporadic or few and far between. .. Sorry 'bout that...we're doing OK overall...

I was gonna do a 'let's catch up on things' post this afternoon, but 1) I have a monster headache and can't think straight, 2) time got away from me and the boyos will be bouncing off the bus soon (but it's a gorgeous day, so hopefully I can get them to go play in the backyard while I sit on my back steps nursing my poor aching head).

So I'll be maintaining semi radio silence a little while longer..

[follow up doc appointment for me did go OK. I will be a, somewhat frequent, visitor to the Breast Care Clinic at a large hospital for a while. Nothing serious, just monitoring...]

I have been bitten by the cooking/baking bug again (more on the how, why & when of that another time), and I quickly wanted to share a very recent discovery. Breads from Anna(R) mixes.

I tried this particular one this afternoon, and OMG, the bread is AMAZING (Salamander is in hog heaven.. he hasn't had a decent bread in almost 5 years, and this one is turning out to be a real treat. Potatey didn't go for it, but then again, he was never a bread eater, not even in his before gluten free days..).

Sorry for not posting much. Lots going on...

Some really really good, with lots of wonderfully exciting potential.
Some really really sucky, rather depressing even.
And then lots, as usual, somewhere in the middle.

I just need time to sort it all.
I hope to have my head fully back in the game next week, and will then provide an update on all the *goings-on*.

[one thing that is making me just a tad nervous is a medical follow-up I have next Friday for a health issue that I've blogged about before. No great cause for concern, just follow-up and monitoring. And oh mom, if you happen to drop in here, I need to ask you a few questions about the prevalence of some medical health issues in generations past..]

Happy Easter!!

Inscribed on a silver bracelet that I frivolously bought for myself earlier this week (hey, I DO have a birthday coming up..)

Live Fully. Be Brave. Be Bold. Be Wise. Be Happy

What I'd like to add is

Be Kind. No Regrets

NOW THIS...

BUMPING THIS UP! Age of Autism has been publishing group shots of warrior moms from all over the country.

I still very much want to do this. Any MA, RI, NH, CT gals (somewhat local.. but we can always pick a meeting point) who are game?

And lookie see (check the comments) on who offered to do the photography....


is the kind of glamour shot I'd love to do

(after I loose at least another 15 lbs, that is.. LOL)

Whatdayathink gals? Maybe at Autism One in Chicago??

Cool "Sh1t"

Yes, it's a bloggin frenzy today.
I was awarded a pretty cool badge for my recipe blog...

"The Twilight Zone" Too

Driving back home from my errands.

Enormous, giant, window blinding, windshield wipers at full blast downpour.

Driving by local hospital.

Shift switch. Nurses dashing out of the hospital trying to get to their cars in the parking lots across the street.

I brake and stop. Screaming breaks behind me. Almost get rear ended by big-ass SUV who was obviously driving way too fast.

Blares horn at me, SUV driver cuts around me.

Almost mowes down 3 drenched nurses, who scatter like ping pong balls.

Now WTF could have been so GD important to that ass in that SUV that justifies almost killing 3 people?

Take a chill pill, people..

"The Twilight Zone"

One of my errands this afternoon involved a trip to the book store (Salamander is *outgrowing* his library, and we are in desperate need of more age & reading level appropriate materials).

Met a mom and an adorable 3 year old girl there.

Mom & girl quite upset that they had 'missed The Easter Bunny' (apparently the darn critter had the nerve to go on lunch break).

And I couldn't help but laugh. It wasn't that long ago that taking Salamander to the mall with me was like planning Operation Desert Storm.

Quick Strike.

Defcon 1.

Mommy Radar fully alert for anything that could set Salamander off (and giant-sized strangely dressed humans/animals was no 1 on the 'set off' list).

If I had to take Salamander with me to a mall during holiday seasons I would always breath a huge big sigh of relief if/when the critters were on breaks...

Real quick.. we continue to ride the roller coaster here.. Salamander still struggling health wise. His sinus congestion is just MASSIVE. I need to get him a Netti Pot. Coughing fits better (so at least the ABs + massive naturals program had some effect), but I am afraid that unless I get the sinus congestion under control, the coughing fits will come back.

Salamander's lead detox is way up. WAY up. Not sure if that's direct effect of HB12 shots or *simply* certain blocks in his metabolic pathways finally getting unblocked. It really doesn't matter in the end, as I see (and so does Salamander) see so much good stuff from the HB12 shots that we'll be continuing these for a while. While my heart breaks for Salamander (as lead detox always makes his bone/joint aches flare, and he gets a lot more 'ants under the skin', jumping bean, snarly), this lead MUST come out. We (me + Salamander's docs) are all in agreement that lead toxicity (together with aluminum) is a big piece in his mito issues, so I'm glad to 'see it flow'.

Gotta run now. Lots of stuff to get finished up and before I know it it'll be 3.15 pm and the boyos will be bouncing off the bus again.

Oh, and Salamander's birthday was an incredibly awesome success!!

World Autism Awareness Day, & Other Stuff

I had planned to blog about World Autism Awareness Day and how I agree with AoA suggestion that we should rename this day "World Autism Epidemic Action Day", as really you'd think that everybody is *aware* by now? Also, while awareness is all good and well, what we really need is Action and Answers..

But sh1t has hit the wall here once again, so I'm gonna keep things short and *sweet*.

Tori (yes, her from Lend4Health fame) is running a contest:

Anybody who makes a loan on Thursday, April 2, in honor of Autism Awareness Day will automatically be entered to win a signed copy of Jenny McCarthy's book, "Mother Warriors." Multiple loans = multiple entries! Good luck!

So if you feel so inclined, would you please pop over and check out the open loans? And if you decide to contribute towards funding a loan, make sure you identity your loan as "In Honor of World Autism Awareness Day". THANKS A WHOLE BIG BUNCH!!!


Oh yeah, about that sh1t. Salamander started getting sick on his birthday (poor babe). Yesterday he started hacking his lungs out once again, and was sent home from school. He is coughing so much, and the coughing fits are so fierce that he keeps throwing up. I am so afraid that he may have gotten whatever the heck it is that I am/was dealing with (on which the judgement is still out. Either pertussis, or bronchitis + mononucleosis).

I started him on another round of Zithromax yesterday late afternoon. But as he threw up about an hour after I gave him the first dose -after a nasty coughing fit- I don't know how much actually ended up in his system. And the *violent coughing followed by vomiting* has been the problem with anything else I've been trying to get into him.

This morning I decided to go the *dropper route*, get little bits of meds and other supplements into him at a time using a dropper, to try and bypass that crazy gag reflex. It'll be "ovaries to the wall" for me today. I HAVE to get the coughing fits to calm down enough so Salamander can keep stuff in his body long enough for it to actually do its job (his birthday party is this Saturday afternoon.. and then MCAS ELA testing starts next week).

To add to the fun? This morning, Potatey started coughing too. His cough is nice and loose and productive, and I'll have to make sure it stays that way. And of course I am still FAR from completely recovered myself.

Never a dull moment.

NEVER a dull moment....(I can't decide whether I'm living "Ground Hog Day" over and over again, or whether I'm stuck in a never ending season of "24"....Jacko, my man. Move on over. You've got nothing on me. I Am Raising Two Kids With Complex Needs, What's YOUR Super Power?)